What a profoundly useless thing i am.
Bouncing back and forth from one distraction to the next, pausing only to attend to the attention demands of my cats as they randomly jump on me, swat at my leg, or trill directly at me from whatever frozen throne i currently occupy.
I try to fight time, you see. By splaying open my veins and letting it drink my blood, just enough for me to pass out and wake up somewhere else.
Sadly, again and again i must repeat this until there is no more blood to give, and i no longer wake up.
No one beats time, you see, but you can be quite clever about how you choose to war wage. I had chosen to lose, intentionally, to rush time to consume me, to win by being no more, as soon as possible.
Time is happy to oblige, but like the eternal villain it is, it is in no rush.
It knows it will win, like it always does, and will do me no favors. It will not indulge my gamesmanship.
I cannot find value in the time, in what i could produce or what i could do with it, it is just a barrier between me and the exit. While i wish i could turn passion into progress, i am magnetized to the ground and there will be no heroes ending for one so utterly tied down to the tracks of quantum causality. You see every THING, is tied to something ELSE, and those THINGS are threads, that stretch into infinite futures. Eventually you reach a point where they all coalesce, where they are pulling you in a definite direction, at a predefined rate. At that point, you are a victim of choices past, the things you did, and that were done to you, have put you inexorably on to this path, and struggle though you might, you will not extract yourself from this. You will have your eyes pried open and held wide as you watch the things you know must happen, unfold.
And no one,
will ever
believe you.
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