This is not a tutorial.
It's a question.
At what point does toughness and rugged determination, cross over into delusional stubbornness and perseverence?
I don't have the answer to this, and being autistic, i don't know if ever will to a degree that makes me comfortable. My very nature, like many others on the spectrum is interwoven with the tendency to perseverate. This word has a few different definitions so i'll clarify a bit. One listed from wiki states: "the inability to switch ideas along with the social context, as evidenced by the repetition of words or gestures after they have ceased to be socially relevant or appropriate," ... Which is pretty good, but not an all inclusive explanation.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perseveration
More or less, what happens is we get stuck. There is a point at which rational minded people would abandon a cause for one reason or another.
it could be simple disinterest, it could be that the platform has been abandoned and they are following the crowd (like from myspace to facebook ) It often times is because completing the intended action has become too difficult, and also could be that a person has made a reasoned observation that the amount of energy they would expend to complete it would be much greater then the end result (Sure i COULD repair that dvd player.. but a brand new one is 20 dollars at wal-mart.)
These options have never worked for me. It seems without fail, once i am commited to a task in the immediate sense, i am STUCK firmly to that task until it's completion, much to the detriment of my sleep schedule, any appointments i may have to keep, my hygiene, and even my ability to feed myself. I have on many occasions, just forgotten to eat as a result of my level of involvement with whatever i engaged with, and it's not until i feel dizzy, or dehydrated , or deeply ILL that i notice. Occasionally, i have someone remind me, and then i eat or drink before returning to to task, but if i'm alone..
Many examples exist in my own life where i have stayed awake for 3 days to fix something. Usually this has to do with electronics. It could be building, stress testing, and repairing a computer, or last year, dismantling, rebuilding and repairing an X-box 360 that had stopped working by resoldering it and swapping a few parts.
The point is, while in some of these cases, the end result is great. I did fix the xbox and saved 300 bucks. I fixed a dvd player and saved 100 bucks. I fixed a computer and saved someone tons of expense. However the darker side of perseveration starts to drag into interaction with other people, and behaviors that can show potential co-morbidity with OCD.
Giving up on a task is hard enough, with someone who is built more then a little inflexible, but how do you decide when to give up on a person? How do you DATE as an autistic and NOT just spend your relationships treating people like things to fix, never giving up because "you started it, and you have to finish it."
I know, externally, not intuitively, that people can not be dealt with in such a manner, and i know that at some point, you have to let go. I feel as if i lack to insight to be able to accurately identify HOW and WHEN that should happen. It tends to make me more black and white, and less forgiving when i try to create a system for myself.
3 Strikes and your out. I know . What about extenuating circumstances? When if your partner is "going through something" and as a result is uncharacteristically mean towards you? Should this allow for special considerations?
What if the infraction from another party was unintentional or "an accident." How many times do you allow for "Accidents" of this nature before disregarding this distinction? I have always said something to the effect of: "I don't care if it's an accident. If you shot me and aimed at the guy behind me, i'm still shot. I'm not LESS shot because it was accidental."
Who's wrong/right in that scenario?
If you honor all your agreements with a friend/relation and they repeatedly fail to honor theirs, how many "Chances" do you allow them before deciding to remove them entirely from your life? Living up to one's word is very important to me. I am deeply honest, and rely on honesty to communicate with others in a world in which i experience a high degree of social blindness. I rely on my honest communication of my intent and feelings because i cannot reliably read the subtext and social ques of others as a communication mechanism. When others fail to maintain honesty in actions AND in a words, the disconnect is deeply disconcerting for me, and i feel slighted, and disrespected when i am lied to.
You may justify it as a "Small Thing" ("I forgot to pick you up when i said i would. Come on, it's not that big a deal.") but i wouldn't agree to do something, and then "Forget." and THEN be nonchalant about it. If i make a commitment, i stick to it.
I'm still trying to learn, everyday, about how to have better interactions with others in a world that is full of invisible pits for me to stumble into that others see perfectly.
In the meantime, i'll keep asking questions, and carefully analyzing answers. So i'm not being funny, or sarcastic, or rhetorical when i ask you,
"How do i know when to give up?"
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